Book 8 / Chapter 5
Paragraph 2 - The Truest Friendship
Explanation - Part By Part
"The truest friendship, then, is that of the good, as we have frequently said; for that which is without qualification good or pleasant seems to be lovable and desirable, and for each person that which is good or pleasant to him; and the good man is lovable and desirable to the good man for both these reasons."
Aristotle is saying that the most genuine and ideal form of friendship is the bond between virtuous people—those who possess good character. This is because things that are truly good or inherently enjoyable are naturally cherished and sought after. Additionally, each person tends to value what aligns with their own sense of what is good or enjoyable. For a virtuous person, another virtuous person is attractive and admirable, as they both share similar values rooted in goodness and positivity—qualities that make them lovable to one another.
"Now it looks as if love were a feeling, friendship a state of character; for love may be felt just as much towards lifeless things, but mutual love involves choice and choice springs from a state of character; and men wish well to those whom they love, for their sake, not as a result of feeling but as a result of a state of character."
Aristotle here distinguishes between love and friendship. Love, he suggests, is more of an emotional response, something that can even be directed toward inanimate objects—like loving a favorite book or a piece of art. But true friendship, according to him, is deeper and more meaningful because it isn't just a feeling—it reflects a state of character. This means that a genuine friendship involves deliberate choices and a developed moral character.
When two people are friends, they actively choose to wish each other well—not simply because of emotional attachment, but because of who they are as people. This intention to care for the other person is grounded in their character and virtues, not in fleeting emotions. So, while love might be spontaneous and directed toward various things, true friendship involves a moral decision rooted in the goodness of both individuals.
"And in loving a friend men love what is good for themselves; for the good man in becoming a friend becomes a good to his friend."
Aristotle is emphasizing that when we love a true friend, we're also indirectly loving what is good for ourselves. This is because a good friend, being virtuous and morally upright, naturally brings benefits and positive qualities into the friendship. Their goodness enriches both you and the relationship. In essence, their virtue reflects back onto you, making their goodness a kind of gift that you also experience and value in your own life. A true friend, therefore, serves as both a companion and a moral asset, supporting your own flourishing.
"Each, then, both loves what is good for himself, and makes an equal return in goodwill and in pleasantness; for friendship is said to be equality, and both of these are found most in the friendship of the good."
Aristotle is emphasizing that in true friendship, specifically the friendship between good individuals (those of virtuous character), there is a balance of mutual care and benefit. Each person in the friendship values the relationship because it is beneficial, but not in a selfish or shallow way. Instead, they care for their friends because they want what is genuinely good for the other person. At the same time, being good to their friend also aligns with what is good for themselves, since a virtuous relationship nurtures their own well-being.
This balance creates a sort of "equality" in the relationship. Both parties equally give and receive goodwill (acts of care and kindness) and pleasantness (enjoyable interactions and shared experiences). This mutual exchange is what makes such friendships truly equal and fulfilling. According to Aristotle, this type of equality and mutual benefit—rooted in virtue—is most present in the friendships of good people.