Book 9 / Chapter 12
Paragraph 1 - The Importance of Living Together in Friendship
Explanation - Part By Part
"Does it not follow, then, that, as for lovers the sight of the beloved is the thing they love most, and they prefer this sense to the others because on it love depends most for its being and for its origin, so for friends the most desirable thing is living together?"
Aristotle is drawing a comparison between the experience of romantic love and deep friendship. Just as lovers cherish seeing their beloved above all else—since the act of seeing ties so closely to the feelings of connection and origin of their love—friends value being together in one another's presence. For Aristotle, the essence of friendship lies in shared experiences and mutual presence. Living together, in this sense, doesn’t necessarily mean sharing a home, but it does mean sharing life, engaging with one another, and participating in each other’s daily existence. This is what makes friendship so deeply fulfilling and meaningful—it thrives in companionship and the shared experience of simply being together.
"For friendship is a partnership, and as a man is to himself, so is he to his friend; now in his own case the consciousness of his being is desirable, and so therefore is the consciousness of his friend's being, and the activity of this consciousness is produced when they live together, so that it is natural that they aim at this."
Aristotle is explaining here that friendship is not just a random connection but a partnership—a deep, mutual relationship. He draws a parallel between how a person relates to themselves and how they relate to a true friend. Just as we naturally desire an awareness of our own existence (the consciousness of being alive and living purposefully), we similarly desire an awareness of the existence of our friends.
Friendship, according to Aristotle, thrives and reaches its fullest expression when friends spend time together—when they "live together" in a meaningful sense. This isn’t just about physical proximity but about sharing experiences, thoughts, and activities, which create and fuel this shared awareness. It’s natural for friends to seek this unity of life, as it fulfills a deep human need to connect and share in being.
"And whatever existence means for each class of men, whatever it is for whose sake they value life, in that they wish to occupy themselves with their friends; and so some drink together, others dice together, others join in athletic exercises and hunting, or in the study of philosophy, each class spending their days together in whatever they love most in life; for since they wish to live with their friends, they do and share in those things which give them the sense of living together."
Aristotle is pointing out that people generally want to spend time with their friends doing the things they value most in life. Whatever a person finds meaningful or enjoyable—whether it's sharing drinks, playing games, exercising, hunting, or pursuing intellectual activities like studying philosophy—they naturally engage in these activities with their friends because it gives them a sense of connection, belonging, and shared purpose. This shared involvement creates the feeling of truly "living together," which strengthens the bond of friendship. Essentially, friends join in and share what they love because friendship thrives on companionship rooted in mutual interests and experiences.
"Thus the friendship of bad men turns out an evil thing (for because of their instability they unite in bad pursuits, and besides they become evil by becoming like each other), while the friendship of good men is good, being augmented by their companionship; and they are thought to become better too by their activities and by improving each other; for from each other they take the mould of the characteristics they approve-whence the saying 'noble deeds from noble men'."
Aristotle is highlighting the significant difference between the friendships of "bad men" and "good men." He argues that the friendship of "bad men" often leads to negative outcomes because of their lack of stability in character. These individuals tend to bond over immoral or harmful activities, and, in the process, they reinforce each other's flaws, making them worse people. In other words, such friendships drag both individuals further into bad behavior.
On the other hand, the friendship of "good men" is virtuous and beneficial. Their companionship is based on shared values and positive qualities, which strengthens their goodness. Additionally, through their interactions and joint activities, good friends help each other grow in virtue and become better individuals. They act as mirrors, reflecting and encouraging traits they admire in one another. This mutual improvement is why Aristotle ties their friendship to the saying, "noble deeds from noble men," emphasizing that good friends inspire and bring out the best in each other.
"-So much, then, for friendship; our next task must be to discuss pleasure."
Aristotle concludes his discussion on friendship with this final remark, signaling the transition to the next topic: pleasure. Essentially, he wraps up by reaffirming the critical role of shared activities and mutual betterment in true friendships, especially among virtuous people. From this reflection on how relationships enrich life and character, Aristotle prepares to shift gears and examine another key element of the human experience: what pleasure is, how it operates, and its place in a good life.