Book 8 / Chapter 4
Paragraph 1 - The Nature of Perfect Friendship
Explanation - Part By Part
"This kind of friendship, then, is perfect both in respect of duration and in all other respects, and in it each gets from each in all respects the same as, or something like what, he gives; which is what ought to happen between friends."
Aristotle is describing the ideal form of friendship here, one that is balanced and built on mutual goodwill and equality. This type of friendship is "perfect" because it stands the test of time and fulfills the highest standards of what it means to be friends. In this relationship, each person gives something to the other and receives something of equal or similar value in return—whether that value is emotional support, shared virtues, or mutual respect. This balanced exchange is viewed as what true friendship should be. It's not one-sided or exploitative but a harmonious, reciprocal bond.
"Friendship for the sake of pleasure bears a resemblance to this kind; for good people too are pleasant to each other."
Aristotle is explaining that friendships based on pleasure share some similarities with the highest form of friendship (friendship based on virtue). This is because good people, being virtuous and kind, naturally bring joy and are enjoyable to be around. In other words, their character and actions make them pleasant to each other, which creates a connection that resembles, on a surface level, the deeper bond of virtuous friendship. However, this is just a resemblance, not the same as the ideal, enduring friendship rooted in mutual moral excellence.
"So too does friendship for the sake of utility; for the good are also useful to each other."
Aristotle is saying that even friendships based on utility (where people are friends because they provide some benefit or advantage to each other) have a connection to the friendship of "good" people. Why? Because those who are good and virtuous are naturally useful to one another as well. Their character and virtues make them helpful and valuable, even in relationships motivated by utility. However, this doesn’t make utility-based friendships equal to true, virtuous friendships—it just shows that there’s a shared aspect: mutual benefit.
"Among men of these inferior sorts too, friendships are most permanent when the friends get the same thing from each other (e.g. pleasure), and not only that but also from the same source, as happens between readywitted people, not as happens between lover and beloved."
Aristotle is saying that friendships based on "inferior" motives, such as pleasure or utility (as opposed to true virtue), tend to last longer when both people benefit equally and enjoy the same thing from the relationship, and that benefit comes from the same source. For example, two clever or witty friends may both enjoy each other’s humor and companionship, which creates a balanced and mutual connection. However, relationships where the enjoyment is unequal—such as the dynamic between a lover and their beloved—are less stable. In such cases, the two are seeking different kinds of satisfaction (the lover might enjoy admiration of beauty, while the beloved may simply enjoy being desired), which makes it harder for the relationship to endure.
"For these do not take pleasure in the same things, but the one in seeing the beloved and the other in receiving attentions from his lover; and when the bloom of youth is passing the friendship sometimes passes too (for the one finds no pleasure in the sight of the other, and the other gets no attentions from the first); but many lovers on the other hand are constant, if familiarity has led them to love each other's characters, these being alike."
Aristotle is contrasting different types of relationships by exploring what keeps them together—or causes them to fade. In this part, he’s focusing on romantic relationships and pointing out a problem that can arise when the two people involved are focused on different things. For example, one person might take pleasure in simply looking at the physical beauty of their partner ("seeing the beloved"), while the other enjoys being the center of attention and receiving loving gestures ("receiving attentions").
The issue is that these reasons for being together are tied to external, fleeting factors—like physical appearance or the intensity of attention. When beauty fades over time (as it inevitably does) or when the dynamic of giving and receiving changes, the spark of this relationship often disappears because it wasn’t built on deeper, more lasting foundations.
On the other hand, Aristotle acknowledges that some lovers manage to maintain their bond over time. This happens when, through familiarity and time, they come to appreciate and love each other’s deeper qualities—such as their personalities or character. In this case, their compatibility and shared values give the relationship a stronger, more enduring basis, because these aspects are less likely to fade or change compared to superficial ones like looks.
"But those who exchange not pleasure but utility in their amour are both less truly friends and less constant. Those who are friends for the sake of utility part when the advantage is at an end; for they were lovers not of each other but of profit."
Aristotle is saying that relationships based purely on utility—where people are connected because they gain something useful from each other—are shallow and don't last long. These aren't real friendships because the bond isn’t about valuing the other person for who they are; instead, it’s about what they can provide. Once the practical benefit—the "profit"—is gone, so is the relationship. Essentially, when the reason for being together disappears, so does the connection, because it was never about genuine affection or mutual appreciation in the first place.