Book 8 / Chapter 3

Paragraph 4 - The Rarity and Development of True Friendships

Explanation - Part By Part

Part 1
Original Text:

"But it is natural that such friendships should be infrequent; for such men are rare."

Aristotle is saying that deep, meaningful friendships—the kind based on mutual goodness and virtue—are naturally uncommon. Why? Because people who embody true goodness and virtue are themselves rare in the world. These types of friendships, rooted in shared moral excellence, are special precisely because not everyone possesses the qualities needed to form them.

Part 2
Original Text:

"Further, such friendship requires time and familiarity; as the proverb says, men cannot know each other till they have 'eaten salt together';"

Aristotle is emphasizing that deep and meaningful friendships, particularly those based on goodness and virtue, take time and shared experiences to develop. The proverb "eaten salt together" refers to the idea of spending significant amounts of time with someone—sharing meals, hardships, and life’s ups and downs. Essentially, true friendship doesn’t happen overnight. It requires patience, mutual understanding, and trust built over a long period of consistent interaction.

Part 3
Original Text:

"nor can they admit each other to friendship or be friends till each has been found lovable and been trusted by each."

Aristotle is saying that true friendship cannot form until both people see something genuinely admirable or "lovable" in each other and develop mutual trust. Friendship isn't just about wanting to connect with someone; it requires recognizing their goodness or worth and building trust over time. Without these elements—feeling someone is worth loving and being able to trust them—friendship cannot fully develop. It’s a deeper bond that goes beyond surface-level interactions.

Part 4
Original Text:

"Those who quickly show the marks of friendship to each other wish to be friends, but are not friends unless they both are lovable and know the fact;"

This part is pointing out that simply wanting to be friends or acting friendly doesn't automatically make two people true friends. There's a distinction between wishing for friendship and actually achieving it. For Aristotle, a real friendship requires that both individuals are inherently lovable—meaning they possess qualities like virtue or good character—and that they both recognize and appreciate those qualities in each other. Genuine friendship is not something superficial or instantaneous; it demands mutual respect and a deeper bond, which takes time to develop. It's not enough to just act friendly; the connection must be rooted in something meaningful and genuine that both people acknowledge.

Part 5
Original Text:

"for a wish for friendship may arise quickly, but friendship does not."

This line emphasizes an important distinction: while the desire or longing to form a friendship can come about almost instantly—like when you meet someone and feel an immediate connection—true friendship itself takes time to develop. Friendship, in its deeper and lasting form, isn't something that happens overnight. It requires trust, shared experiences, mutual understanding, and the recognition that both individuals are genuinely "lovable" in qualities such as goodness or virtue. Essentially, there's a difference between wanting to be friends and actually becoming friends.