Book 8 / Chapter 3
Paragraph 1 - The Three Kinds of Friendship
Explanation - Part By Part
"Now these reasons differ from each other in kind; so, therefore, do the corresponding forms of love and friendship. There are therefore three kinds of friendship, equal in number to the things that are lovable; for with respect to each there is a mutual and recognized love, and those who love each other wish well to each other in that respect in which they love one another."
Aristotle is saying that the reasons people are drawn to love or friendship can be grouped into three distinct categories, corresponding to three kinds of friendships. Each of these categories is based on what is considered "lovable"—whether it's something useful, pleasant, or good in itself. For any of these friendships to exist, there must be mutual recognition and agreement that both people care for and wish well to one another, but the reason for that mutual affection differs depending on the type of friendship. Essentially, the nature of the love or friendship is defined by what the relationship is built on.
"Now those who love each other for their utility do not love each other for themselves but in virtue of some good which they get from each other."
Aristotle is saying that when people form connections based on utility (usefulness), they aren’t truly loving each other as individuals or for who the other person is. Instead, the relationship exists because each person gets some benefit or advantage from the other. The bond is not about the person themselves but about what that person provides. It’s a functional, purpose-driven relationship, not an emotional or deeply personal one.
"So too with those who love for the sake of pleasure; it is not for their character that men love ready-witted people, but because they find them pleasant."
Aristotle is saying that when people form a connection based on the pleasure they derive from someone, it's not because they deeply value the person's character or inner qualities. Instead, they are drawn to that person because of the enjoyment or amusement the person provides, like how someone might enjoy spending time with a witty person for their humor or entertaining nature. The focus here is not on who the person truly is but on the pleasant experiences they create for others.
"Therefore those who love for the sake of utility love for the sake of what is good for themselves, and those who love for the sake of pleasure do so for the sake of what is pleasant to themselves, and not in so far as the other is the person loved but in so far as he is useful or pleasant."
This part emphasizes that in friendships based on utility or pleasure, the love is not directed at the other person for who they truly are. Instead, the affection arises from what the other person brings to the table—be it something useful or something enjoyable. In other words, the focus isn’t on the friend's unique character or identity but on the benefit or enjoyment they provide to the person. These relationships are more about self-interest than genuine connection.
"And thus these friendships are only incidental; for it is not as being the man he is that the loved person is loved, but as providing some good or pleasure."
In this part, Aristotle is pointing out that friendships based on utility (mutual usefulness) or pleasure are not deeply rooted in the nature or character of the other person. Instead, the relationship revolves around the benefits or enjoyment one receives from the other. These kinds of friendships are incidental—meaning they happen as a side effect of the usefulness or pleasure provided, rather than being founded on an appreciation of the person for who they truly are. The connection exists because of what the other person offers, not because of their inherent qualities as an individual.
"Such friendships, then, are easily dissolved, if the parties do not remain like themselves; for if the one party is no longer pleasant or useful the other ceases to love him."
Aristotle is explaining that friendships based on utility (usefulness) or pleasure are conditional and often fragile. They depend entirely on what one person gets out of the other. If the reason for the friendship—whether it's the benefit or enjoyment—disappears, the friendship itself typically falls apart. For example, if someone is your friend because they find you funny or helpful, and you stop being funny or helpful to them, their affection or connection will likely fade. These types of friendships lack deep, enduring bonds because they're not rooted in valuing the person for who they truly are but rather for what they provide.