Book 9 / Chapter 8
Paragraph 2 - The Paradox of Self-Love and Friendship
Explanation - Part By Part
"But the facts clash with these arguments, and this is not surprising."
Aristotle is pointing out that there is a contradiction between common criticisms of self-love and the reality of human behavior. This inconsistency—that the facts don’t align neatly with the arguments about self-love being blameworthy—is not shocking to him. He seems to be preparing to demonstrate why this supposed clash is worth examining and might not be as straightforward as it seems.
Essentially, Aristotle is saying that things aren't as simple as calling self-love purely bad, and he aims to unpack its complexities.
"For men say that one ought to love best one's best friend, and man's best friend is one who wishes well to the object of his wish for his sake, even if no one is to know of it; and these attributes are found most of all in a man's attitude towards himself, and so are all the other attributes by which a friend is defined; for, as we have said, it is from this relation that all the characteristics of friendship have extended to our neighbours."
Aristotle is exploring the idea of self-love versus love for others and analyzing what true friendship really means. He starts by defining a "best friend" as someone who genuinely wishes the good of another person for their own sake, not for selfish gain or recognition. This kind of pure goodwill is considered the essence of true friendship.
He then makes an interesting observation: these qualities of true friendship—like wishing someone well entirely for their benefit—are actually found most strongly in how people relate to themselves. In other words, the way we care for ourselves (our desire for our own good, our tendency to prioritize our well-being) reflects all the defining traits of friendship. From this self-relation, the concept of friendship expands outward to how we treat others. Aristotle is suggesting that the way we "befriend" ourselves might serve as the foundation or model for how we form relationships with others.
"All the proverbs, too, agree with this, e.g. 'a single soul', and 'what friends have is common property', and 'friendship is equality', and 'charity begins at home'; for all these marks will be found most in a man's relation to himself; he is his own best friend and therefore ought to love himself best."
Aristotle is pointing out that many traditional sayings, or proverbs, support the idea that a person naturally acts as their own best friend. For example, phrases like “a single soul” (suggesting unity or harmony) or “what friends have is common property” (indicating mutual sharing) reflect qualities we most directly embody in our relationship with ourselves. Similarly, “friendship is equality” implies that we treat ourselves as an equal partner in our internal life, and “charity begins at home” hints that caring for others starts with caring for oneself. These traits of friendship—unity, equality, and support—are evident most strongly in how a person relates to themselves. Therefore, Aristotle concludes that it makes sense to say that a person should first and foremost love themselves, since they are, in a way, their own closest friend.
"It is therefore a reasonable question, which of the two views we should follow; for both are plausible."
Aristotle is acknowledging that there’s a genuine dilemma here—both sides of the argument about self-love have merit. On one hand, people criticize self-love as selfishness and associate it with bad behavior. On the other hand, there’s a compelling argument for seeing yourself as your own best friend, someone who embodies the qualities of true friendship like wishing well for another for their own sake. Essentially, the conflict between condemning self-love and seeing it as a form of healthy self-regard makes this a topic worth evaluating further, and Aristotle suggests that no easy answer emerges because both perspectives seem reasonable.