Book 9 / Chapter 3
Paragraph 3 - Friendship and Inequality of Virtue
Explanation - Part By Part
"But if one friend remained the same while the other became better and far outstripped him in virtue, should the latter treat the former as a friend?"
Aristotle asks if a friendship can continue when one friend stays the same while the other improves significantly, especially in terms of virtue or moral character. The question is whether the friend who has become "better" should still maintain the relationship. The implication is that friendship relies on a shared sense of values and mutual growth, and if one individual advances far beyond the other in goodness or virtue, it may challenge the foundation of the friendship.
"Surely he cannot. When the interval is great this becomes most plain, e.g. in the case of childish friendships; if one friend remained a child in intellect while the other became a fully developed man, how could they be friends when they neither approved of the same things nor delighted in and were pained by the same things?"
Aristotle is pointing out that for two people to remain friends, they must have shared values, interests, and emotional responses. When one person grows significantly in virtue, wisdom, or maturity, and the other does not, their connection weakens. He uses the example of "childish friendships" to emphasize this. If one person stays mentally or emotionally immature (like a child) and the other becomes fully mature, their perspectives and values diverge so much that a meaningful friendship becomes impossible. They no longer find joy or concern in the same things, losing the emotional and intellectual connection that friendship relies on.
"For not even with regard to each other will their tastes agree, and without this (as we saw) they cannot be friends; for they cannot live together."
Aristotle is making a key point about the foundation of friendship: for a true friendship to endure, there needs to be shared values, interests, and emotional responses—like enjoying the same things or being upset by the same things. In other words, a deep alignment between the two people is necessary. If this alignment disappears or was never there to begin with—because one person has developed further while the other hasn’t—they'll naturally grow apart. Without this shared connection, the friendship can't function because it relies on being able to "live together," which means more than just physically coexisting—it’s about sharing life, understanding one another, and being of like mind. When that ceases, so does the basis of their bond.
"But we have discussed these matters."
Aristotle is wrapping up his point by indicating that the concepts he's just discussed—about how discrepancies in virtue, intellect, or development between friends can strain or dissolve a friendship—have already been addressed earlier in the text. He's essentially reminding the reader that the idea of shared values, perspectives, and compatibility is central to sustaining a true friendship.