Book 8 / Chapter 4
Paragraph 3 - The Nature and Types of Friendship
Explanation - Part By Part
"The friendship of the good too and this alone is proof against slander; for it is not easy to trust any one talk about a man who has long been tested by oneself; and it is among good men that trust and the feeling that 'he would never wrong me' and all the other things that are demanded in true friendship are found."
This part highlights a unique quality of friendships between genuinely good people. Aristotle is saying that such friendships are strong and resistant to things like slander or gossip. Why? Because when two good people share a deep bond, they’ve already tested and come to truly know each other's character over time. This familiarity and trust make it hard to believe negative things said about the other person. Furthermore, within these relationships, you find the essential elements of true friendship: trust, fairness, and the confidence that your friend would never deliberately harm or betray you. These qualities are rooted in the integrity and virtue of both individuals.
"In the other kinds of friendship, however, there is nothing to prevent these evils arising. For men apply the name of friends even to those whose motive is utility, in which sense states are said to be friendly (for the alliances of states seem to aim at advantage), and to those who love each other for the sake of pleasure, in which sense children are called friends."
Aristotle is pointing out here that in friendships based on utility (mutual benefit) or pleasure (enjoyment), problems can arise much more easily. These kinds of relationships are more fragile because they are built on external and temporary factors—like shared goals or immediate enjoyment—rather than on a deep moral connection. For example, he gives us two contexts:
1. Friendships based on utility: The relationship exists because it serves a purpose, as is often the case with alliances between nations. States are "friendly" because it benefits them politically or economically. But when the advantage disappears, so might the "friendship."
2. Friendships based on pleasure: For instance, children call each other friends because they enjoy spending time together or find each other fun. However, since such friendships depend on fleeting pleasures, they're not necessarily enduring or deeply meaningful.
Ultimately, these kinds of relationships are more vulnerable to issues like self-interest or conflict since they lack a stable moral foundation, unlike the more solid friendships rooted in virtue.
"Therefore we too ought perhaps to call such people friends, and say that there are several kinds of friendship-firstly and in the proper sense that of good men qua good, and by analogy the other kinds; for it is in virtue of something good and something akin to what is found in true friendship that they are friends, since even the pleasant is good for the lovers of pleasure."
Aristotle is explaining that we can use the term "friends" for different kinds of relationships, but we must understand that true friendship, or friendship "in the proper sense," exists primarily between good people who value each other for their character and goodness. The other types of friendships—like those based on utility (mutual benefit) or pleasure—can still be called friendships, but only in a looser, less significant way. What connects even these lesser friendships to the idea of friendship is that they contain something good—whether it’s the enjoyment a pleasure-seeker finds or the advantage one gains in a useful relationship. This shared element of "something good" allows them to be considered friendships by analogy, though they are not the highest or truest form of friendship.
"But these two kinds of friendship are not often united, nor do the same people become friends for the sake of utility and of pleasure; for things that are only incidentally connected are not often coupled together."
In this part, Aristotle is saying that friendships based on utility (what you can gain from someone) and friendships based on pleasure (enjoying someone's company) usually don’t overlap. It's rare for people to have a relationship that satisfies both needs at the same time. Why? Because these two types of connections are more accidental or situational—they depend on specific circumstances. For example, you might be friends with a coworker because they help you at work (utility), or enjoy hanging out with someone because they make you laugh (pleasure). These reasons don’t naturally combine, as they stem from different purposes. Relationships like these tend to be more fragile and limited because they're built on temporary or external factors, not on the person’s character or deeper connection.