Book 8 / Chapter 12
Paragraph 3 - Friendship Between Man and Wife
Explanation - Part By Part
"Between other kinsmen friendly relations are found in due proportion."
This part means that the level of friendship or affection between extended family members (like cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) naturally varies depending on how close the relationship is and the shared history or circumstances. In other words, the bond differs based on the degree of connection and common experience, and it exists in a way that feels appropriate or proportional to the relationship.
"Between man and wife friendship seems to exist by nature; for man is naturally inclined to form couples-even more than to form cities, inasmuch as the household is earlier and more necessary than the city, and reproduction is more common to man with the animals."
Aristotle is saying that the bond between a husband and wife is something natural and fundamental to human life. Humans are instinctively driven to form couples, and this tendency is even stronger than the drive to create larger social structures like cities. This is because the household — the basic unit formed by a couple — is foundational and exists before the city, as it is more essential for survival and continuity. Moreover, the act of reproduction, which sustains life across generations, is a shared aspect between humans and animals, signifying its deep-rooted natural importance.
"With the other animals the union extends only to this point, but human beings live together not only for the sake of reproduction but also for the various purposes of life; for from the start the functions are divided, and those of man and woman are different; so they help each other by throwing their peculiar gifts into the common stock."
Aristotle is pointing out a key difference between humans and other animals. For animals, their "union" or connection primarily exists for reproduction and doesn't go beyond that. Humans, however, form partnerships that serve not just reproductive purposes but also many broader aspects of life. He emphasizes that from the very beginning of human relationships, men and women have different roles and functions. These differences allow them to complement one another, each contributing their unique abilities and strengths ("peculiar gifts") to a shared, collective purpose—the "common stock," or the overall well-being and success of their life together. Essentially, he’s saying human partnerships are built on both practical and mutual support systems.
"It is for these reasons that both utility and pleasure seem to be found in this kind of friendship."
Aristotle is emphasizing that the friendship between a man and a wife is naturally grounded in both utility (practical benefit) and pleasure. He’s pointing out that their partnership is not just about emotional closeness but also about helping each other in meaningful, practical ways. Each partner contributes their unique skills and qualities to the relationship, creating a kind of mutual support system. At the same time, there is enjoyment and satisfaction in being together, which adds pleasure to the partnership. So, their bond is multi-dimensional—it’s useful, enjoyable, and potentially virtuous if they are both good individuals.
"But this friendship may be based also on virtue, if the parties are good; for each has its own virtue and they will delight in the fact."
Aristotle is saying that the friendship between a husband and wife can be elevated to the highest form of friendship—one based on virtue—if both individuals are good people with strong moral character. In such a case, each partner possesses their own unique virtues, and they take joy in recognizing and appreciating those virtues in one another. Their bond is not just about utility (helping each other) or pleasure (enjoying each other's company), though those aspects might still exist, but about a shared admiration and commitment to each other’s goodness and moral excellence. Virtue-based friendship, in Aristotle's philosophy, is the most fulfilling kind, and it enriches even this foundational human relationship.
"And children seem to be a bond of union (which is the reason why childless people part more easily); for children are a good common to both and what is common holds them together."
Aristotle is saying here that children serve as a strong unifying tie between a husband and wife. They represent something shared—a mutual "good"—that connects the two in a deeper way. When a couple has children, those children become a central focus of their relationship, giving them a shared purpose and responsibility. This shared commitment strengthens their bond. Conversely, in marriages without children, there may be less of this kind of unifying element, making it easier for such couples to drift apart or separate. Children, in Aristotle's view, act as a kind of glue that reinforces the marital relationship by giving both partners something meaningful and mutual to care for and work toward.