Book 8 / Chapter 12
Paragraph 1 - The Nature and Origins of Familial and Social Friendship
Explanation - Part By Part
"Every form of friendship, then, involves association, as has been said. One might, however, mark off from the rest both the friendship of kindred and that of comrades."
Aristotle is pointing out that all types of friendships involve some form of interaction or connection between people (what he calls "association"). However, not all friendships are the same. He suggests that two specific types of friendships stand apart from the others: the bond shared between family members (kindred) and the bond shared between close companions (comrades). These kinds of relationships are distinct from more casual or practical connections people might have in other contexts.
"Those of fellow-citizens, fellow-tribesmen, fellow-voyagers, and the like are more like mere friendships of association; for they seem to rest on a sort of compact. With them we might class the friendship of host and guest."
Aristotle is pointing out that certain types of friendships are more transactional or based on practical agreements rather than deep emotional bonds. For example, friendships between fellow citizens, members of the same group (like a tribe), or people traveling together (voyagers) tend to arise because of shared circumstances or mutual benefits, rather than an intrinsic connection or affection. These relationships are more like alliances or partnerships built on some form of implicit or explicit agreement—a "compact" (like shared duties, mutual needs, or responsibilities).
He also includes the relationship between a host and their guest in this category, as it is another example of a bond based on social obligations or customs, not necessarily profound personal attachment. These relationships are important and functional but lack the depth of other forms of friendship, such as familial love or close companionship.
"The friendship of kinsmen itself, while it seems to be of many kinds, appears to depend in every case on parental friendship; for parents love their children as being a part of themselves, and children their parents as being something originating from them."
Aristotle is saying that the bond between family members (or "kinsmen") is rooted in the fundamental relationship between parents and their children. Parents love their children because they see them as an extension or "part" of themselves—both physically and emotionally. For children, the love for their parents comes from recognizing them as the source of their existence, the ones they originate from. This foundational "parental friendship" serves as the basis for all other kinds of family relationships.
"Now (1) arents know their offspring better than there children know that they are their children, and (2) the originator feels his offspring to be his own more than the offspring do their begetter; for the product belongs to the producer (e.g. a tooth or hair or anything else to him whose it is), but the producer does not belong to the product, or belongs in a less degree."
Aristotle is explaining why the bond between parents and children tends to feel stronger from the parents' side.
1. Parents are immediately aware that the child is their offspring because they witnessed and experienced the process of the child's creation and birth. On the other hand, children don't inherently "know" they are the offspring of their parents until they grow older and gain understanding. This asymmetry in knowledge makes the parental bond more conscious and immediate.
2. Aristotle further explores the idea of creation or production. He states that the one who creates something feels more connected to it than the thing created feels toward its creator. For instance, a tooth or hair—things produced by a person—"belong" to that person, but that person does not "belong" to the tooth or hair in any meaningful way. Similarly, a parent views a child as an extension of themselves, as something they "produced," and this sense of belonging and connection is naturally stronger from the parent towards the child than vice versa.
"And (3) the length of time produces the same result; parents love their children as soon as these are born, but children love their parents only after time has elapsed and they have acquired understanding or the power of discrimination by the senses."
In this part, Aristotle is pointing out that time plays a role in the development of love and affection within parent-child relationships. He observes that parents tend to feel an immediate and instinctive love for their children as soon as they are born because children are, in a way, part of the parents themselves—both biologically and emotionally. However, children do not reciprocate this love immediately. Instead, their feelings of love and attachment grow over time, as they begin to develop an understanding of who their parents are and learn to recognize the role their parents play in their lives.
This is rooted in the idea that love requires a certain awareness, and since very young children don't yet have the ability to discern or comprehend relationships, their love for their parents takes time to emerge and mature. Essentially, Aristotle is highlighting the natural, gradual process of developing affection through understanding and experience.
"From these considerations it is also plain why mothers love more than fathers do. Parents, then, love their children as themselves (for their issue are by virtue of their separate existence a sort of other selves), while children love their parents as being born of them, and brothers love each other as being born of the same parents; for their identity with them makes them identical with each other (which is the reason why people talk of 'the same blood', 'the same stock', and so on)."
Aristotle is explaining the natural basis of familial love and how it differs depending on the relationship. He suggests that mothers tend to love their children more deeply than fathers do, and he attributes this to the nature of parental love: parents see their children as extensions of themselves, like “other selves” who exist separately but are still intrinsically connected to them. This feeling stems from the fact that children originate from their parents—it’s a bond that feels deeply personal to the parent.
On the flip side, children’s love for their parents is different. It’s not about seeing their parents as extensions of themselves, but rather about acknowledging that their existence comes from their parents. In the case of siblings, the affection arises from their shared origins. Since siblings have the same parents, this creates an inherent sense of unity or shared identity, often described as being “of the same blood” or “the same stock.” This shared origin creates a natural bond of familiarity and connection.
"They are, therefore, in a sense the same thing, though in separate individuals."
Aristotle is pointing out that siblings, because they come from the same parents, share a deep connection and an essential similarity—they are like extensions of the same "root" or origin. While they exist as separate people, their shared lineage makes them fundamentally intertwined, almost as if they are different manifestations of a single, unified source. This shared identity contributes to the natural bond and sense of unity siblings feel, making their relationship unique and significant.
"Two things that contribute greatly to friendship are a common upbringing and similarity of age; for 'two of an age take to each other', and people brought up together tend to be comrades; whence the friendship of brothers is akin to that of comrades."
Aristotle is saying that two key factors that strengthen friendships are growing up together and being of a similar age. People who are around the same age often find it easier to connect and relate to each other, leading to natural bonds. Similarly, those who share a common upbringing—like siblings—are likely to develop strong connections because of the shared experiences and environments they’ve lived through. In this way, the friendship between brothers is comparable to the kind of camaraderie often seen among close friends or peers.
"And cousins and other kinsmen are bound up together by derivation from brothers, viz. by being derived from the same parents. They come to be closer together or farther apart by virtue of the nearness or distance of the original ancestor."
Aristotle is explaining how familial bonds, like those between cousins and other relatives, are rooted in their shared ancestry. Because cousins are descended from siblings (brothers or sisters) who share the same parents, their connection to one another can be traced back to that common origin. However, the closeness of these familial bonds depends on how "near" or "far" they are in terms of ancestry. For example, first cousins share a relatively close connection because their shared ancestor is only one generation removed (their grandparents). On the other hand, distant relatives, like fourth or fifth cousins, feel less connected because the shared ancestor is much further back in their family tree.
In essence, the closer the shared ancestor, the stronger or deeper the familial bond is likely to feel; the farther away the ancestor, the weaker or more distant the relationship becomes. This observation underlines how family ties are both a product of biological relationships and the perception of shared roots.